Heavy heart

I was going to do a post of our goings on last week but to be honest, our week was fairly uneventful.  We learned, we played, we cooked, we loved.  

What I really want to post about is the heaviness of my heart right now.  At church, they are already going through applications for the next trip to Africa.  Unfortunately, my application was not in among them.  As much as I wanted to desperately go.  Jeff and I knew that it would not be possible this time around.  

This is Izak. He is 12 years old. He lives with 70+ other kids in a children's village in Meize, Mozambique.  We sponsor him.

I had the opportunity to get to know him for 9 days back in November when I visited his home.  Look at that smile.  The smile got me every time.  He is a beautiful boy.  Although I didn't speak his language and he barely spoke mine, we bonded.  Whenever our team was in Meize, he was by my side.  He acted as my bodyguard sometimes when other kids got too close or grabby.  He was also so sweet with the younger kids and I could tell he really looked up to the older ones.  In those short 9 days, I fell in love with this boy. 

 I miss him dearly.

Yesterday, we found out that a sponsored child in his orphanage had died of Malaria. All we knew was that it was an 11 year old boy.  When I read the email, my heart sank.  It filled up with worry that maybe it might have been Izak.  And when I found out that it wasn't him, I was relieved but filled with so much sadness.  You see Izak seemed the type of kid that everyone liked and was friends with everyone.  Chances are Izak is grieving the loss of his friend now.  Those kids in that community were like brothers and sisters to each other so not only have they lost their friend but their brother as well.  

I get so frustrated that we can't do more for these kids.. We sponsor them, we get secure in the fact that they are taken care of, and loved in the place they are in.  But we can't protect them with money.   We can't love on them from so far away. We can't prevent them from getting sick or hurt.

 All we can do is pray and trust that God knows what he is doing.  

One thing I do know from being surrounded by these kids is that they know Jesus, they are happy and they are loved.  

I guess I'll just keep praying.  It's all that I can do.

And take heart that little Joao is now sitting at the feet of Jesus and being loved on by the Father himself.