Sunday, October 26, 2014
I wrote a whole update on our life but it seemed trivial compared to what was really on my heart to share. What I really was writing this blog post about was what I feel as though God is speaking to me. In the last few weeks and months I've been struggling. I feel sometimes as though my emotions are out of control. And before you go thinking the worst about me, I do have some valid reasons. However because my very being is so raw and hurt right now, things don't necessarily roll off my back as easily as they once did. I find myself getting offended and hurt over the littlest things. I've been finding myself becoming resentful and bitter about things that wouldn't have bothered me before. Anyway, when I am at church, during the worship time, that's when I feel Gods presence in my life the most. That's when He talks to me. When He teaches me. Last Sunday morning was not the best of Sunday's. Sweet pea our spirited one woke up with a scowl on her face. As soon as I saw it, I knew we were in for a rough morning and I was right. Getting her dressed for church was a nightmare. It actually required both of us to dress her. One to hold her while the other one dressed her as she kicked and flailed her arms. It was so bad that she was actually still crying as we were walking into church. I didn't even bother trying to suggest she go to kids church. Anyway, I was wiped out before church started and as the music started I closed my eyes and just rested in the words that were being sung. The worship team sang a new song but it was a song I had listened to over and over at my house in different times of my life. Some of the words go like this "You know when I rise and when I fall. When I come or go, You see it all. You hung the stars and You move the sea, and still You know me". As those words washed over me, my mind saw the scene of this morning where we were struggling with our daughter. The scene was a bit different though. I felt as though God was there watching and seeing. I felt as though he was saying "I see you, I see your struggles, I am here." I pondered that all day and then promptly forgot about it as I went head first into a very busy, very stress filled week. Then today during the worship time at church, as my emotions rolled around inside me, I was feeling unimportant, even invisible. The instant that thought came into my head, another one crowded it right back out and it was this. "Even when I am feeling invisible, I am NOT invisible to the one who matters most." And that's what I felt like I needed to share with the world. We will have times where life isn't going as planned, where we feel as though we are not seen by anyone but I want everyone to know and remember God sees us. He knows us, He is there no matter what. That brings me so much comfort in the hard times. I hope I don't forget it this week and remember His promises. I hope this message has reminded you too. Even when you are feeling invisible, you are not invisible to the only one who matters.