Things are settling down... I think

The past two days I feel like I have my little sweet pea back. We haven't had near as many fights and meltdowns.

Thank you to those who have read and have prayed. I think she is starting to realize that she is not the boss! Hehe.

Here's some pictures of our silliness at bedtime tonight. My phone is a great bedtime tool!

It is easy to lose sight....

I've had a hard day today... Sweet Pea woke up screaming at 7:30 this morning and she stayed in a mood almost all day. Fighting every single thing we wanted her to do. Worse of all is wearing her glasses. Not something mommy is willing to back down on.

By lunchtime, I was ready to pull my hair out, scream and pack my bags. I took a shower instead and had a long talk with God. Still I didn't feel any peace about the situation at all. It is times like this when it is so easy to feel as though God has forgotten me.

The only reprieve I had was our annual Boxing Day potluck with my extended family. There she was too busy playing with her cousins so she barely had time to fight me..... barely....

Surprisingly, bedtime went rather smoothly. I was able to use some of my old tricks to convince her to brush her teeth and use the bathroom without too much fuss. I even got her into her bed without hearing the word "NO"

Lately, instead of the usual kiddie songs that we sing at bedtime, she has been asking me to sing worship songs. It was there that I realized that I wasn't forgotten. I was loved. As I held my little girl listening to her sing love songs to Jesus, Jesus touched me. I realized how thankful I was to have such a wonderful family and such a spitfire of a girl who will surely grow to be an amazing leader someday. The things that I have and the people in my life..... I haven't been forgotten. I've just lost sight....

My strong willed child.

I have four wonderful children. While raising them hasn't been completely easy, I have always thought that I have been so lucky to have such well behaved kids.

Sure, "I" has been a handful as a little one physically. He learned to climb at a very young age and hardly ever stops moving. I learned to anticipate his next moves and have kept him pretty safe so far. No broken bones at least.

Sweet PEa, however, has taken me completely by surprise. I used to call her my dream baby. She was so content as a baby and slept well. Things started to change as she turned 18 months-2 years old. She became super independent. She was very particular about things. She had a certain set list for songs at bedtime. If you sang those songs out of order??
Well lets just say you would feel her wrath. She craved routine and if things didn't go her way, there would be a complete meltdown. Eventually, I learned the warning signs and could most of the time avoid major meltdowns. I hoped and prayed that it was just her terrible twos and that when she turned three, things would just magically get better. Boy was I wrong. She had been three for exactly 4 months now and it seems as though things are getting worse. Lately I haven't been able to see her meltdowns coming and therefore haven't been able to stop them.

Can a three year old be Bi-polar? Sometimes I wonder about her. She can be completely happy one minute and flying into a rage the next. When she is happy, she is super sweet. A lovely girl. But I always find myself wondering how long it will last. When she is having a meltdown, there is no reasoning with her... No chance of getting her to settle down. Her newest thing now is screaming. She screams in short little bursts. Ear piercing screams that is. Also a complete refusal to so anything. Even if it is something she wants to do. For example tonight, She needed to go to the bathroom at my mother in laws. Jeff picked her up and carried her down the first flight of steps. That set her off. She had wanted to walk down herself. Jeff responded that he was sorry and didn't know. He set her back up the stairs so she could walk down. Nope she wouldn't have any of it. She started screaming and Jeff had to take her downstairs until she had calmed down enough to come back upstairs.

I am not sure why I am writing this all out. I just know that I'm at a loss and needed to get this out there. I don't know what to do with my three year old girl. I thought after having three older kids that I had this parenting thing down but she has definitely proven me wrong and so I am here. Completely at a loss.....

November 25th ~ Last journal entry

November 25th

I didn't journal the last two days of the trip because it was all travel time and I was very sick.  Travelling while feeling so crappy is gruelling   Almost a week after I got sick and my stomach is still not back to normal.

I am so happy to be home and with my family.  I miss Africa... I miss Izak and Maria... I dream about them at night and my thoughts go to them all the time during the day.

I was asked to speak today in church about my experiences so I thought I would write som things down that impacted me the most.

1.  Meeting Izak.  Meeting him made sponsorship real.  It's hard to think of your sponsor child as a person when you have never met them.  But to get to know what kind of person they are and how my measly so much a month means so much to him......

2.  The village feeding programs.  So many kids needing food.  Older siblings carrying little ones on their backs. Dividing up the food between them so they can bring some home for later.  That last family who only had one plate to share between the five of them and how grateful they were for that one plate.

3.  How desparate the kids were for love and touch.  as soon as we arrived eah day, the kids fought over our hands, held onto our arms and sat so close to me that I thought I was going to die of heat.

4.  The love they had for Jesus and for each other.  They took care of each other.  They are truly a family.

November 19th - Our last full day

November 19th

Went swimming this morning.  I'm feeling ill today.  I've got a sore spot in my side that hurts when I move.  Also a headache and sleepy.

We went to Noviane this morning to hand out the remaining shoeboxes to the kids who are being sponsored there.  Also to give out the cows shirts to all the kids we there.

After that Don D, Morgan and I went to Mieze to pick up Martino and his wife Christina.  I got to see Izak for a few minutes.  I gave him a beef jerky stick to see if he liked it.  We headed back to Pemba to pick up the rest of the team. I stretched out in the back of the truck. I ended up dozing for a little bit.  

After we picked up the team, we went to a restaurant for lunch.  I had a burger and fries but really shouldn't have.

We are heading to Mieze for a dance party tonight and to say goodbye to the kids.  I'm going to be a mess tonight.

9:00pm

What a blast we had tonight.  It was just the center kids so it wasn't as crowded.  Well with 63+ kids and all the adults in their schoolhouse it was quite crowded but good.

Once they got the music set up, Barry got together a game of musical chairs.  The kids loved it! I think they played at least 10 games.  I let Izak take pictures but the camera battery died so I have no idea what kind of pictures he took.  After the musical chairs we just turned up the music and the kids danced and danced.  Even Martino and Gracinda danced.

I gave Izak a note I wrote to him and told him to have Martino help translate it.  A little while later I saw him with Martino and the note.  He came back and gave me a great big smile.  I also asked him if he liked the beef jerky and he did.  So I gave him the rest of what I had, plus my almonds.  He was quite happy.

After dancing to a few songs, it was time to say goodbye.  Lots of tears...  Some of the kids were mad we were leaving.  I can't imagine not coming back.

Funny I felt sick all day but when we were in Mieze, I didn't at all.  Now that we are back, I feel sick again.  Tonight I was glad to be in the back of the truck with the wind whipping at my face. It was dark too so I could just let the tears flow.  I've grown to love Izak just like one of my own and I'm going to miss him so much.

Nov 18th~Church in Meize!

November 18 ~ 3:10pm

This morning we went to church in Meize.  There was an english speaker.  We all had to get up on stage and introduce ourselves.  After that we got to sit down with the kids.  I probably had 5-6 practically on top of me the whole time.  We had a great time making faces at each other.  They were all being very silly.  



When church was over, they had us line up at the door to shake hands with everyone leaving.  I must have shook 200 hands.  Afterwards we headed back over to the children's center to have lunch.  I hadn't seen Izak during church but right afterwards he found me with a big smile.  He had a english/portuguese bible in his hands so I showed him Philippians 4:13.  I asked him if he liked the bible and he said yes in english.  I asked him if he knew any english and he said yes but that's all he would say so I'm guessing that yes was his only english word.

After lunch they had us line up in the gazebo and they presented us with presents.  Raciena put a beautiful necklace around my neck. Most of the other women got earrings.  Interesting that I got a necklace since I never take my earrings out.  Very shortly after that we left to go back to the Pemba base.  We have had some down time now.  Some have gone to the beach, some have stayed behind.

Oh I was able to get some background on Izak.  Elizabeth asked Martino.  He is from the village by where we went to the beach.  His father died and his grandmother was taking care of five of them and having trouble feeding them.  Elizabeth wasn't sure how Izak was chosen to come to the children's center but she thought it had something to do with him having potential to go to school further on and such.  I believe he is going to be a great leader someday.

8:55pm

The rest of the day was mostly relaxing.  I had a bun with peanut butter on it for supper with some almonds.  I liked the rice and beans when we first got here but it's getting hard to stomach it now.  Today at lunch, I'm pretty sure there was sand in it.  I asked Izak if he liked it and he said no.  I feel bad for him because he has to eat it every day and I'm sick of it after a week.  I'm going to bring him some beef jerky and almonds tomorrow night when we go.

Tomorrow is our last full day.  I'm excited to see my kiddos and Jeff again but I wish I could stay and do more for the kids in Meize.

Nov 17th

November 17th ~ 2:05pm

It feels so weird to write November 17 when I'm sitting outside in the shade and I'm still sweating.  We went out to Mieze this morning to give de worming medicine to the village kids.  There must have been 200 kids there.  We did it in the church and the kids just swarmed us as soon as we came in.  I probably had 3-4 little girls all trying to hold one hand.  Izak had grabbed my other hand before I got to the church.  I was glad to have him by my side.  There was a puppet show and a little service before we started.  Then all the kids came for their medicine.

It was total chaos at first until we were able to organize them into lines.  We had some of the bigger boys by the door making sure that they went outside after they received their meds and water.

After that some of us went to help with the feeding program for the village kids and the rest of us went to the gazebo to sit with the kids there.  My little Maria was back.  I hadn't seen her since the beach. I think she is one of the village kids because Don K doesn't really know her.  She is really clean though and she was wearing the bathing suit she had gotten on beach day.  The village kids are always so filthy but she isn't.  A little girl Zura attached herself to me for a little bit.  Until she saw Gail J who is her sponsor.  Another sweet girl sat with me for a lot of time.  I don't know her name though.  I think she was a village kid.  She couldn't have been more than 2.5.

Beautiful Zura

There is a Tia there named Gracinda and she is just full of Jesus.  She knows how to keep those village kids in line too!

Gracinda!

8:00 pm

Later this afternoon, we loaded into the trucks to do a little shopping.  I was able to get a bracelet and a necklace.  I wasn't interested in much else.  After that most went to the beach for a swim.  I came back to the compound though.  Don D hasn't been feeling well.  Poor guy is our driver though and I feel bad for him.  He looked terrible.  Oh we got stopped by the police today.  Don talked to them for a bit and then went and got cokes to bring back to them.  It was super hot.

Well it's been a good day other than Don being sick.  Although the power just went out and I'm starting to sweat without the fans on.

Don't be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! 

Matthew 6:8